katyjack

This doesn't need to be kept semi-private.

I'll put this one out in the open (I'm so delusional) since I'm obsessed with what other people think of me:

Yeargh.

Two Open Letters

Dear everyone (especially the media),

It is imperative that I correct a mistake I see often. "Partially improv show" doesn't really make a lot of sense. The word "improv" is an abbreviated form of the noun "improvisation". Note I said noun - not adjective and certainly not verb. In the future, please stick with "partially improvised", which is the adjective form of "improvisation". If you need to know the verb form, I can assure you that it is "to improvise". If you have any other questions, please let me know. Thank you.

Yours,
Katy Jack

Dear improvisers I know,

Look, I know I'm fighting a losing battle here. I'll never get the general public to stop referring to us as "improv-ers" and I know that the word "improv" makes it easier for Joe Blow to understand. But I think I can have slightly higher grammatical expectations for the news media. If you want to know why I was inspired to write this, check out this CNN story. Not only does it mention the upcoming premier of a "partially improv" show, it also discusses the untimely demise of Arrested Development, the best show on TV that no one is watching.

Anyway, I hope you're well and I'll keep fighting the improv vocabulary battle until the end.

Always,
Katy Jack

It's official.

The cheerleader inside me is dead. Sure, I'm still cute as hell. But I can't do all the jumps and shit anymore.

I started up my exercise regimen today. I was going to jog for 30-45 minutes. After about 1/4 mile, that turned into power walking. I stayed out for thirty minutes, but it was overall a bad idea. Resolved: will be able to jog that by the end of the semester. At least I got out and did it. And tomorrow, I'm going to do it again. For serious.

Tonight, my life beginds anew. Yes, it's that time - American Idol premieres tonight! Hooray! As always, I'm excited for what promises to be an historic television event. While Scott is teaching his lame-ass sketch class, I'll be basking in the wonderful/horrible auditions that make American Idol the best show on television. Be amazed by good singers or laugh at the poor deluded souls. Either way, it's good TV.

I'll stop being fat someday. You bet I will. You know how? According to Sgt. Harvey Walden, my target weight loss for the next weigh-in will be 4 pounds. Time to get to the 130s, people.

Another Body Update

I had a really hectic week this week that involved less activity, more driving and less time for good meals. I only lost one pound, but I'm ahead of Countess Vaughn on celebrity fit club, so that's okay. I'm currently at 142.6. That's 7.2 pounds. I meant to lose 10-15lbs by May, but I may accomplish my dream of weighing in the 120s by then. Hip hip hooray! My double chin is slowly melting and my tummy still looks flubby, but not as bad as it used to. I still feel great.

I'm not on the exact same plan as Scott, but you can read about what he's doing here. I highly recommend getting on this bus.

The Value of Preparation

Recently, a topic has come up on an internet message board that I frequent that has inspired me to write a short (very short) essay about it. The question posed is this: why are there only a few opportunities for those not enrolled in classes/performance groups to perform? This is a valid question, and I feel it deserves addressing. As I consider this to be a private blog (that I allow the public to read), I feel that I can express my opinion here. It should be noted that my views do not in any way reflect those of DSI or any of its management staff. They are mine, and mine alone.

This question basically reflects a common misconception about improvisational comedy: there is no preparation in improv. Therefore, anyone can do it. This is absolutely, 100% wrong. As with any artform, improvisation is one that requires some amount of technicial skill. In order to consistently perform good improvisation, one must acquire the appropriate techniques and be able to use them. Improvisers are lucky - the skills required to perform good improvisation come much more naturally to humans than the skills used to, say, paint or sculpt well. These skills are basically the same required to hold a conversation. I'm not going to get into that here, since that's not the point of this essay. If you would like more information about these skills, allow me to recommend Truth in Comedy or even an improv class.

The point is, these skills require practice in order to apply them correctly. It requires hard work and dedication, as well as some amount of "natural" ability. How much natural ability is up for debate, but there's no question about the hard work. I've been improvising for five years now - and I'm still not a great improviser. Because of this, preparation is necessary in order to perform a consistently good show.

This is the reason that "jams" are usually reserved for the ends of improv festivals, when everyone is too tired to care. As for a consistently good performance of improvisational theater, I can't do better than to recommend the DSI Comedy Theater, producing wonderful shows every weekend.

Again, it should be noted that this blog belongs to Katy Jack. Her opinions do not reflect those of Dirty South Improv, the DSI Comedy Theater, or its management/performers. They are hers and hers alone.

Other Things than Diet

My weight loss has slowed, since I haven't really implemented an exercise program, but I still feel great. The food is still yummy. I've had to ease up a little bit on the all-organic, just due to lack of options at school. Each lunch time, I walk a good fifteen minutes from my last class to the far-away dining hall and it's about twenty minutes back to the dorm. I'm right about 140lb now, which is 10lbs lighter than I started. Not bad.

But that's not all I have on my mind. The new semester has started, and most of my classes are going well. I'm dropping my world religions class. Even though it looks really interesting, it involves a lot of legwork outside of class (visitng local houses of worship, etc) and I just don't have the time to commit to that. I'm going to take something fun instead, and not worry about any more requirements. I'm thinking about another foreign language. Possibly. So, that's the deal.

I have to work on my UNC application. I have to write an essay and get my transcripts out. I haven't dont that yet - which is bad. It's not due until March. I'll probably send it out in mid-February.

Scott is in a pretty bad way. He injured his back somehow on Monday morning. I finished classes at noon, and I didn't have another class until 9pm (a lab). I called him and asked him if he wanted me to come help him. He said no, so I kept checking in by phone throughout the day. By 6pm, he said he was calling paramedics. Of course, by now it was too late for me to come out. I felt like such a shitty girlfriend.

My classes on Tuesday were out at four, and I was on the road. I made him some dinner and just helped to take care of him. I felt better. I drove to Greenville this morning and back this afternoon. I'll do the same tomorrow. I need to take care of him.

It had me stressed out. I was worried sick. I felt so relieved to see him up and around yesterday. He can't walk around much, but he's improving. I made him dinner for tonight, and tomorrow I'll make him sandwiches for while I have to be gone. Oy.

Update on Organic Dieting

Because I know you want it, I'm giving a brief update on how my organic diet is going. Let's go:

For the bottom-line thinkers, it's definitely helped me to lose weight. Last Monday, I weighed in at 149.8. This morning, I weighed in at 143.6. That's pounds - this is America, after all. I'm looking forward to seeing my weight fall into the 130s for the first time in years. I don't feel like I look too much slimmer, but oh well.

The food is still good - I have yet to get tired of it. Due to my suspected lactose intolerance, I bought a quart of organic soy milk (vanilla flavored) for my morning cereal, which is also organic. I just went with the store brand (of Whole Foods, that is) and I'll see how I like it.

Eating out isn't really a problem, since all of the health food grocery stores have adorable cafés in them as well. So far, I like the Whole Foods café, Penguins, the best. And not just because it has adorable penguins everywhere. We haven't tried Panzanella yet, but we are mostly eating in anyways.

I haven't gotten tired of the foods available yet, and I don't feel like I'm starving to death. Hell, I even found organic cheetos. So, overall I'm pretty happy. At least about the six pounds anyway. Suck it, Special K Challenge.

Still looking for organic Bagel Bites, though.

a minor note.

Can we all agree to stop using the phrase "feline version of Atkins"? Can we just agree that it's much more economical and astronomically more adorable to just say "Catkins"?...

Like regular food, but less attractive.

Scott and I are losing weight for 2006, which will be good for both of us. I'm thoroughly anti-diet, so my plan involves exercising three days a week. For the 5-10 pounds I'm looking to lose, that should be more than enough. But Scott insists on dieting, and I'm here to support him. Our new diet?

Fucking organic. Christ help me.

I've been sort of anti-organic for a long time, thinking it something for animal-rights wack jobs and hippies. I don't really understand the animal rights movement (This is tied to my belief that animals are not people) and I'm not a hippie. I've seen the organic movement as something of a joke for silly people, and the people I've met who adhere to it suport that hypothesis.

But actually - the food is better. Seriously.

Now, I won't be setting animals free or anything like that, and I'll never give up kickass leather shoes, but I'll eat some organic food. Hell, I'm even considering purchasing organic shave gel. Organic toothpaste! Organic organic organic!

The more I read about the philosophy behind it, the more it makes sense. If it makes me healthier, I guess I'll eat more fresh veggies and meats*.

I'm still looking for an organic version of Bagel Bites, though.

*Note: Yeah, we're still huge fucking carnivores. We devour cute animals. We're having tiny baby LAMBS tomorrow!

this does not look good.

Hello, folks. It's 4:15am and I'm feeling like I want to die. Why do I leave everything to the last minute? Why? It doesn't help me at all. It just stresses me out. Oh well. I have no food in the room, so I'm at least losing weight, right?

I'm writing a paper for my history class right now. It's about Hitler and blah blah blah. See, it's fairly mundane, but if the government happens to take a peek at my recent Google searches (they do that, you know), well - they're in for a treat. Here's a short list:

- nazi madagascar
- occupation norway ww2
- mein kampf
- hitler darwinism
- hitler evolution
- adolf hitler

My adventure in historical research also took me to a certain white power website, which I won't name or link to for fear of some kind of reprisal. I didn't mean to go there. I was searching for the text of Mein Kampf and it was the first place that showed up. Of course, I didn't look at the URL or anything. After referencing it several times in my well-written paper, I realize that it's a white power site, complete with message board! My favorite thing about message boards about topics I disagree with is that I get to feel like the only people who support this topic are stupid, and I can feel secure in my opinion. I'm certain that people who disagree with the topics of the message boards I frequent will find the same thing. But it still makes me feel better. (Believe it or not, some people disagree with improv and this improv. Oh and this improv.) The saddest thing is, I don't know whether to be amused or completely horrified by the term "Holohoax" - it would be funny, if only people didn't believe it.

I'm probably not helping my Google ratings by putting this in my blog, and many white supremacists will not be satisfied by what they find here. Sorry about that. If it makes you feel better, message boards about kittens and puppies also contain bad grammar. It's the medium! Now, for the record:

I am not a white supremacist. I love everyone. Let's be friends.

Now I have to go finish writing this paper. Do you think I should mention that the website I've referenced is not one that I frequent, but one that I found through a random Google search, or not?

why is everyone DUMB?

Okay. I have to say this before I explode. Listen carefully:

Goodnight and Good Luck was NOT a good movie.

Please repeat until you come to your senses and stop feeling like you need to "get" this historical drama.

This was not a good movie. I'm sorry. It just wasn't. Now it's been nominated as one of the Top Ten Films of 2005 by The Snooty Society? Give me a break. This movie was terrible. Let me tell you why!

I'm hip. I know about history. Heck, I can even understand and probably write an A+ paper about the connections between politics today and the anti-communist movement spearheaded by Joseph McCarthy. But that doesn't mean George Clooney deserves a Best Screenplay Oscar anytime soon. This movie shows a complete lack of respect for basic storytelling - it's so focused on being the smartest film of 2005 that it forgets to tell an interesting story with characters that the audience cares about and wants to succeed.

Let me explain how storytelling should work, in its pure form: Audience meets characters in stasis, some change is introduced, the characters adapt to that change, then return to some kind of new stasis having learned something about themselves and the world. This movie totally jumps into "the awful McCarthy tyrannical rampage" and doesn't give us anything to compare it to. Here are some questions never answered by this film: What was life like before McCarthy's reign of terror? What exactly ARE the consequences for these groundbreaking news stories? Why is McCarthy a villain I should give a shit about?

If you disagree with me, let me illustrate my point: Edward R. Murrow is news man. He tells it like it is, and doesn't play by the rules. He does a groundbreaking news segment about McCarthy (I know this because George Clooney told me, not because of the illustrative power of the film), something insanely risky and scary and afterwards, he gets...rave reviews? Um, okay. Well then. So he does it again - even riskier than the first time! - and gets...a promotion? See, no one wants to watch a movie that's just about the good guys having good stuff happening to them. There has to be some kind of hardship there. Otherwise, how is the audience supposed to get all indignant about the political tyranny of Joseph McCarthy?

Oh, well indeed! An educated audience doesn't need historical context! Hoho! We already know about McCarthy and his reign of terror!

Is that so? Well, for those of us who forgot to bring our historical monocles, the movie was boring as hell.

See, in the real world, there are consequences for your actions. In this movie, there were no consequences for their actions. There was no reason to feel nervous for them, because we knew already that it would work out. Not from a historical context, but because the movie didn't create any tension. Any tension that was created was spoiled by a stupid joke about the intern not turning on the phones. What? Again, give me a break.

Now, don't get me wrong. George Clooney definitely gave a stellar performance and the movie was beautifully directed and he's still totally cute and I'd still marry him - but he has a long way to go when it comes to writing and telling a good story. There was nothing about this story to make me give a damn. And so, I didn't.

So, hipsters everywhere, be really hip by not buying into this artificial historical d-r-a-m-a that is so much better than all the other drivel that's force-fed to us by those evil studio corporations. I say, be bold. Look for a movie that's actually good.

And don't listen to The Snooty Society.

Why do I do this to myself?

I'm about to disappear for a while - just so you know. Yes, it's that time again - finals week! Once again, I'm not worried about any of the upcoming tests, as I'm well prepared and very smart. But I have left several long-term assignments to the last minute. For example, I have two papers due tomorrow. One is written, one is not started - research, topic selection or otherwise. One Wednesday I have two more papers due - neither one started. Oh yeah, and some medium-length homework assignments. Then once exams start I have two more papers due - in addition to an exam in all of my classes. So yeah - I'll be pretty busy.

Who am I kidding? I'll be on AIM all week and I won't get my work done. Oh, why do I let this happen?

McRib, Indeed.

McRib, Indeed.
Originally uploaded by katyjack.

Okay. I love McRib. It's a fine sandwich. Scott is going to barbecue ribs on Sunday (sorry, you are not invited) and I keep poking fun at him by saying his ribs better be as good as McRib. But I have a problem with this saucy sandwich, and it isn't the delicious sauce.

It's that the meat has "bone ridges" in it. What the hell? It's clearly one piece of meat with no bone in it, why make it look like it has the bone in? Because this is how we traditionally see ribs? Not on a SANDWICH! Give me a break, McRib.

But seriously, can Scott have the sauce recipe?

Stolen from Kit.

Go to your iTunes/Windows Media Player/WinAmp and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me, iTunes?
"Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley
Oh, inDEED, iTunes!

Will I have a happy life?
"Feelin' the Same Way" by Norah Jones
So, I guess yes?

What do my friends really think of me?
"Fancy" by Destiny's Child
I guess I am pretty fancy.

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Abracadabra" by Sugar Ray
I think that means yes.

How can I make myself happy?
"All You Need is Love" by the Beatles
Wel, I have that - so I should be set!

What should I do with my life?
"Forty Feet" by Franz Ferdinand
I take this to mean that I should keep striving higher and higher!

Why must life be so full of pain?
"Rich Girl" by Gwen Stefani
'Cuz rich bitches are spoiling it for everyone!

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA
Scott, this means I can cheat on you right? iTunes wants me to take a chance on a new partner!

Will I ever have children?
"On Fire" by Sebadoh
So yes, but then I will kill them.

Will I die happy?
"Who Let the Hansons Out?" An MMMMBop/Baha Men mashup
If the Hansons have been let out - then no, I won't. EVER.

Can you give me some advice?
"Speed of Sound" by Coldplay
Hm. That's deep, iTunes.

What do you think happiness is?
"Right Now" by SR-71
Too right, iTunes!

What's my favourite fetish?
"Private Show" by Pink
Oh, iTunes. How did you know?

What is my significant other thinking at this very moment?
"Cheating on You" by Franz Ferdinand
Oh REALLY, my dear?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
"Suck my Kiss" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Ah. So, no licks at all. I gotcha.

Don't make fun of my music!

a day of happy news.

today is a day of happy news for my family. i dont have any happy news of my own, but oh well.

for starters, megan and drew have determined the gender of their upcoming baby! its a boy, and they're thinking jacob (or maybe jakob - i dont know, it was over the phone). this is excellent news and i excitedly await the arrival of my first ever nephew. who will be awesome. if not born awesome, i will teach him to be awesome.

also, dave and tryston got engaged! thats exciting! their marriage will probably be in just over a year. hooray! i havent seen the bling yet, but i will this weekend!

in dsi family news (aww), MARK JACOBSON OF TOYOTA OF DURHAM WILL BE THE SPECIAL GUEST FOR THIS WEEK'S MISTER DIPLOMAT. that is, of course - awesome! the show is on friday at 9:30pm at the DSI Comedy Theater in carrboro. admission is $8 ($6 with flyer/student ID). you should be there. he is bringing gifts.

in other dsi family news, ill be appearing on saturday night at 11pm as Martha Stewart in "Match Game" - everyone's favorite game show from the 70s that featured fill in the blank questions and celebrity guest stars! other guests for this week include Marv Albert, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, President Ronald Reagan, Peter Falk, and Christopher Walken. don't miss it! you could win a free DSI class or a STARBURST! admission is just $5.

scott and i have no exciting news. sorry.